Unspoken Conversations and The Hierarchy of Responsibility
This is probably the most important message I’ll share with you this year.
It’s not about business strategy or tactics.
It’s about YOU and taking care of yourself.
I talk to a lot of fitness business owners from all over the world on a weekly basis.
And in most cases they are all in pain.
That’s how they get to us in the first place.
They want the best for themselves, their family, their staff, and their clients.
They want to grow.
They want to do, have, and become MORE than what they are today.
But somewhere along the journey, things got a bit blurry, confusing, and twisted.
And they need help with how to get back on the right track.
And that’s where we come in… to help and support them in fixing all that.
Most of our conversations revolve around business.
Teaching systems. Sharing tools & technology. And discussions around strategy, tactics, and operations.
But there is ALWAYS work to do on the most important foundation of everything… YOU!
YOUR belief system, thought process, and actions.
When this work is glossed over or missed… everything built on top of it usually ends up crumbling.
Or what is more often the case… it creates a huge roadblock that limits how high and fast you can climb the ladder of success.
One of the most frequent problems our clients bring to us lack of profitability in their business.
Which means they are not keeping much of what they make.
Their margins are slim.
And to change this, we have to look at both sides of the equation- cutting expenses where it makes sense and increasing rates.
Which means we take time to review how services are currently being packaged and priced.
AND IN ALMOST EVERY CASE WE DISCOVER THAT RATES ARE NOT CONSISTENT FOR ALL CLIENTS.
Some clients are being charged X, while others are being charged Y.
And when we ask the client, “why is this so?”
We always here responses like:
1. I want to reward the clients who’ve been with me a long time
2. I told those clients I would never raise their rate
3. I don’t want to raise rates on the old clients, because that’s not how I would want to be treated as a customer.
Now, I understand how people get in these thought patterns.
But when I listen “between the lines and spoken words” as coach, I hear other reasons why people are not charging consistent rates… and killing themselves in their business working their asses off not making any money.
These are some of the things I “hear”…
1. I am afraid to raise my rates. I don’t want my clients to leave me. And I don’t have the confidence in my ability to market my business and go get new clients if these ones were to leave. So I am a slave to my business and submit myself to just serving the clients we work with, regardless of the fact that I’m broke and miserable. I hope that if I just focus on serving them, then maybe somehow things will change on their own or get better for me here.
2. I don’t want people to think I’m a money-hungry greedy person. And I’m afraid that by asking people to pay more they’ll think less of me. And I base my self-esteem on what my clients think of me (crazy, but true), because my ego and personal identity are all wrapped up in me being a great coach. Which is also one of the big reasons why I’m struggling jumping into the role of a “business owner”. And my inability to make that shift and evolution to the greater role I must step up and play… is also killing my ability to take care of myself, be the provider I need to be for those who depend on me, and be a good husband/father/friend. But let’s not go there yet because this is scary shit to talk about. Let’s just stick with this whole rate conversation.
3. I don’t believe in my value. I have some hangups about how much value I’m delivering and how much I should be compensated. I don’t believe I’m “worth any more than I’m already getting”.
4. I don’t believe I’m worthy of success. I think I need to suffer and be a matyr. Because I feel better about myself when I just focus on taking care of others and ignore taking care of myself (this ties in and gets twisted with #1, 2, 3). And I think I need to just continue working harder. If I can just find a way to keep on doing THAT, then maybe I’ll be worthy of success.
Now, I could probably keep adding about 4 or 5 more things I “hear” going on in these conversations. But they are all variations on the themes of these 4. And I think you get the idea.
To Be Fair
In many cases, a LOT of people we work with move quickly through the adjustments required here.
We tell them “Hey, this isn’t working. You’re not making any money and killing yourself. So let’s fix this. And here are the mechanics of how we roll out a ‘raise the rates’ campaign.”
And even though they have a little bit of fear in their belly (which is always the case when ‘big leaps are about to happen’), they proceed to execute the plan we lay out, make the changes required, and everything gets immediately better.
But this is not always the case.
Some clients fight us tooth and nail to “hang onto” their old thought patterns and belief systems.
So as a coach, I’m always thinking about what I can do to continue helping these “hard cases”.
How can I help them become aware of what’s going on, and “re-program” themselves better for success?
NOTE: As a coach I used to really beat myself up when a client would fail here. But part of my evolution as a coach involved me coming to an understanding and acceptance of the fact that I can’t do this work for the client. THEY have to do it for themselves. And it is THEIR responsibility to make these changes required for their success, not mine.
I believe that improving my ability to emotionally ‘detach’ myself in the work I do with clients has also made me a much better coach over the last few years. And it’s certainly helped me become a whole lot happier and healthier in my own life. See parts of #2 above.
Now that’s not to say that I don’t get sucked in every now and then. But I’ve learned how to ‘disconnect’ pretty cleanly now, which I believe is absolutely critical to staying healthy and sane.
So let’s talk about how to do that and start addressing the “inner” work required to fix that which is you holding you back.
I think we need to start by bringing the conversation back to your FOUNDATION.
And how you prioritize the various responsibilities you have in all the relationships you have in your life.
So let’s begin that now…
Hierarchy of Responsibility
I want to introduce you to what I’m going to call the Hierarchy of Responsibility.
YOU are the foundation of everything. And therefore you must put YOURSELF first and then the rest of the people in your life in the following order. When you get this right everything works. When something is off, I believe you can almost always trace it back to this hierarchy being "out of whack".
I believe that understanding this hierarchy, and learning to better structure and operate your life by it is absolutely critical to your health, happiness, and success.
Get this right and your potential is truly unlimited.
And if you’re struggling or in pain, I think you can just about always trace things back to something being off here.
The good news is the more you become aware of it, and understand it, the quicker you can make course corrections to get yourself “back on track” and in balance when necessary.
So next time you’re in pain, come back and check in with this chart OK?
Look at it and ask yourself if you’re putting things in the proper order here.
Because my guess is you’re probably not.
Now… let’s break this down and talk about it.
1. YOU. The FIRST responsibility you have in life is to take care of yourself. You are the foundation of everything. So when YOU are off, everything you do will be off. You must take care of yourself with the fundamentals like breathing, eating, sleeping, and exercise. Give yourself regular time off for rest and relaxation. And do what you can to keep your stress levels low.
Frankly, we could talk about this one for a long time. And we’d both benefit from the discussion. Because #1 is #1.
And many would say they already KNOW this to be true. But knowing and doing are 2 very different things.
And until you really start DOING with consistency, I submit to you that you really don’t KNOW very much of anything at all.
I’d also like to submit to you that many talk about the concept of integrity.
But I think integrity goes beyond being congruent in our words and actions. I think it means being consistent in living by your values.
So how the heck can you VALUE health and fitness, when you are living a life that is unhealthy?
To me that demonstates a major LACK of integrity.
If this discussion makes you uncomfortable, good. It’s supposed to.
Recognize it’s not ME that’s making this uncomfortable for you, it’s simply my calling your attention to the inconsistencies that may be going on for you here.
2. YOUR FAMILY & FRIENDS. There are people in your life who depend on you. You play many roles in your life from spouse, to parent, to friend. And don’t forget son/daughter, brother/sister, cousin, etc. Each of them are important. We play these roles for others and they play these roles for us. Each of us making up critical components of the support systems we all need in order to be at our best.
I am reminded of Shakespeare’s All the World’s a Stage when I think of this.
“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts,
If you’re unfamiliar with the full passage, it’s here.
3. YOUR TEAM. In the beginning as a solo entrepreneur YOU are your business. You do it all. And if you’re any good, you will quickly become a prisoner of your own success. But if you ever want to have a life and any freedom, then you must build and develop a team. And if you’re willing to allow yourself to evolve beyond your identity and self-esteem wrapped up in being “the best” coach/sales person/marketer/admin/bookkeeper/etc. and the believing you are the “only one who can do it right”, then you want to look for/grow/develop people who CAN DO IT BETTER THAN YOU EVER DID.
Support them, invest in them, and back them up. Because you can’t get very far without them. And how far your reach can go, the amount of value you can deliver to the world, and the number of people your company serves will ultimately be determined by THEM not YOU.
There are real limits to what YOU can do. But with THEM you can do more. Much, much more.
Be sure to re-read this passage several times until it really sinks in for you.
4. YOUR CLIENTS. Your are in the business of serving clients. Helping them solve their problems and achieve their goals. The easy clients are easy. Truth be told anybody who knows a little bit about what they’re doing could have worked with them and they would have gotten great results. Because their success is more about THEM, and much less about YOU.
But the more you can find new and better ways to help the ones who really need you the most, the ones that others have left behind, the more of a difference and impact you can make on the world.
And if you become really good at asking the right questions, and listening to the answers… you can continue to serve all of them for a lifetime.
Conclusion
Lots of discussion points in this article.
And many “deep thoughts” to ponder on here.
I’ve spent many months and years in my own ‘learning’.
And I’m certainly not done yet.
But I’ve come a long way, achieved a good bit of success, and what I have to share now I share with you here.
I encourage you to print this post out and spend time with it.
And when you’re listening to the conversation going on inside your own mind, give some real thought to these points.
Challenge yourself to do some digging and discover what ‘lies beneath’ that is guiding you now.
Then let go of that which is no longer serving you and embrace that which will help you grow.
We’re all rooting for you over here.
To your success,
Sean
Uncomfortable indeed . . . but well said, and very true. The best coaches are always those that push you beyond your comfort zone and create opportunity to learn and grow from the experience. It’s not always fun when you’re in the midst of it, but much appreciated in the long run.
Thanks coach!
Wow, Sean. I am one seriously messed up control freak. It’s time to let some other people step up and it’s time to stop spinning my wheels. Thanks for the wake-up call.
Wow quite a lot to take in on Mother’s Day. You are right. I am one of the ,”Oh that is an old client and that one is ……. ” so now I need to get them all on the same page. The lesson I am getting more and more is letting my team take over. They do things better than I and I’m starting to give them more and more permission to do what feels right to them. I know (like kids) you don’t think I hear you but I do. It might take me longer but I am making changes. Keep talking, Keep pushing. Thanks
Thank you
Erak
Well Sean you have finally gotten to the crux of the matter,and you right about the many issues relatively to our profession. Therefore I don’t want to get into a lengthy discourse. I have been involved with fitness for 50 years.The main issue is how one views why are they in this profession.Simply,is it a business or is it a calling.I see your point,ok.You categorize trainers as coaches, I see them as personal trainers.Yes one can burn themselves out from time to time,so take some time and recharge. When I’m approached by someone interested in becoming a personal trainer and asked if there’s alot of.money in it,I tell them if you continually refine your craft and are genuine about your desire to help your people achieve there goals you’ll be successful. I could go on, enough said.
I definitely was uncomfortable with the idea of raising rates and hiring trainers to pull out of day to day training. I was a control freak. Boot Camp was my baby.
But after a mental shift I am actually looking forward to it and am interviewing last week and this week. Raise the rates starts next week. THANK YOU NPE. and thank you ,Camelia for the nudges. I can see the light.
I like this uncomfortable conversation! It makes one really stop and think about so many aspects of our lives and how we operate each day.There is so much substance and profound thought in your article. I believe each of us can relate to this on several levels.
Sean, thanks again for bringing the “head trash” that affects me on a daily basis to the surface. Another opportunity for me to refocus, re-energize, stay on an even keel, and SUCCEED
Thank You Sean, for a very sincere and honest post. And a great reminder about honoring and valuing ourselves. I intend to meditate on your wise words this week.
Mary Jo
Nice article Sean. We haven’t even started our first program with our new business but we’re already struggling (but succeeding in small steps) to get past some of the baggage you describe. I’m sure it will get much worse before it gets better but I take some comfort in knowing that I won’t be surprised.
Sean that’s good stuff to follow. I tried several ways to run my business from 1 on 1 personal training in a 800 sq. ft. studio. To a 10,000 square ft. finess center with classes while I was doing personal training plus manager/owner with all the duties, plus trainers working for me.
After all that I decided to downsize and pay $800 monthly to run my pt business out of someone elses training studio. I had a lot on my plate and it took a toll on me, trying to do everything myself, my way.
Now I have more time freedom to work on my business and not in it! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not where I want to be, but I’m not where I was (STRESSED OUT!) Sean I take your information serious and you struck a nerve today.
I like having my own studio, but it is a lot of work to do it right, and I know you have the tools to do it right. So now I’m re-evaluating my business! I’ve been out of the loop for some time now, but I still get your emails and that’s what keeps me going!
Tell Eric Ruth I said Hey!
Thanks Sean!
Thanks Sean, that’s come at a very poignant time for me as when things don’t go well it’s easy to go back to those beliefs of “I’m the only one who can do it”. That’s what keeps you a prisoner – and there are plenty of things that you put ahead of yourself for the good of everyone else, forgetting the advice you give your clients. Thanks for reminding me that there is a simple driving belief that is at the crux of all of it ….
Sean,
Easily your best post to date! You know my history well…from immersing myself in an unhealthy mindset and getting buried as a result of my own success to battling with myself to join VIP to overcoming much of the topics you talk about here to moving far away from my business and the hurdles I had to leap over to make the absence from my business a success.
I’d like to say that life is sweet….that I’m enjoying the fruit of my labor. But truth be told I still battle many of these same demons (on different levels now, but still battling). As my business has grown and I have evolved from trainer to business owner I’ve found that my mindset and belief systems continue to be challenged.
I believe that it’s going to be an ongoing battle. I’ve moved past all the four points you usually “hear” (the same ones you’ve heard from me over the years). But I have been working on my hierarchy of responsibility in reverse.
I pour a lot into the clients, because I care for them and I want to over deliver. That’s given for a business owner, but I admit that I care too much about what they think of me and it’s a weakness that I believe is holding me back. Since I do rely so heavily on my staff, I do put a lot of my energy into them. Maybe too much. And Lord knows I could spend more quality time with my wife.
But worse of all, I have not been taking care of myself lately. That’s where this post really struck me. I’ve gotten away from my own workouts again. Finding balance is hard for me, especially when traveling back and forth across the country (as you know and have seemingly mastered). This is going to be MY “project” for this month. To make the time for myself and my health.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the numbers and the accolades that we like to share here and on the forum. I’ve found myself focusing more on that than what I can improve, but I now know for me to grow I have to be honest with where I am right now. For me to do that I have to share it with the ones who hold me accountable…NPE.
I’m thankful that you wrote this post. It’s why I’m with NPE…because I know you’re not going to let me get away with being mediocre. And not because it makes you feel good about yourself, but because you see a potential in me that is hard for me to see myself.
Thank you for drawing it out of me and for continually challenging me.
Clint,
Don’t beat yourself up too bad. This stuff is hard for everybody. Myself included.
But we keep working at it, we grow, and we continue to improve.
Remember the principle of KAIZEN.
Just keep challenging yourself to do a little better each day. If you can do THAT, all the little successes and victories will continue to add up over time.
Sean
P.S. Now working out on the road is something I’ve come to have a lot of fun with. And I’ve started to build a collection of some photos of workouts (and workout partners) on the go.
Think I’ll publish some of them in the next FML newsletter. This past month includes Dallas, San Juan, Naples (twice), Chicago, Pittsburgh, and Jacksonville. It all comes down to remembering that you can’t always get to everything… but what’s most important is to learn how to keep the priorities in order.
Thanks Sean.
Connie,
Great to hear from you and thanks for posting your comments.
Yeah, Happy mother’s day! Here’s a bomb in your lap, now go diffuse it!
I have never been good at holding my tongue when something needs to be said, but you should know that about me by now!
Sean, I remember before I found NPE, I was that business owner you were talking about in the beginning. I am so thankful I made the leap to NPE because life is much better now. Yes, I do have growing pains but that is good compared to the “not-growing pains” I used to have….lol.
I did notice that I tend to slack on my health and fitness when I am stressed and I am now quick to put my life into balance whenever I feel things are getting out of control. Plus, Camelia is always there to put me back on track
Project Manager Pro has definitely helped me deal with multiple projects at once and not start anything until I’m done with the ones I’m currently working with. This may make so much sense to me now but when your mind is full of worries and other non-sense, it’s difficult to think with common sense.
Thank you for being honest and for kicking our butts! I am looking forward to VIP Spring training.
Anna D.
Hi Sean,
Ditto what so many before me have said. I spend all of my client time telling them how important it is for them to put themselves first. Followed by promptly ignoring myself. Like Clint, I’ve neglected my own workouts, etc. for waaaaay to long over this past few months (maybe even the last year). Always working on finding the balance.
I am printing and posting your post on my wall at my desk, in my bathroom, on the fridge…everywhere as a reminder to myself.
Thank you for a great post!
Cheers,
Gin
Great stuff……Good Medicine for the head and something we all NEED to hear and be reminded of on a regular basis. As far as raising rates go, NEVER ever Forget you are a paid professional and you deserve to paid like one especially if you get your clients outstanding results, overdeliver, and constantly improve (Kaizen) your services. I’m know I’m worth it! Aren’t you?
Great article. I am dealing with a lot of these subjects right now, and the timing of me finding this article is perfect!
Well said. This is the exact reason I have invested in your programs. You say what needs to be said without having to flash the “glitz & glam” all the time. There is true authenticty behind each post. Thank you.
Sean, that is a spot on subject for our industry. I read it twice and I see cheeseholes in my own process and development.
In todays economy that thrives on fear, it is a challenge to keep the pyramid in proper order. Its very easy to give in to a fear based mindset when so much has changed so quickly.
Thank you for challenging me to take a look in the mirror and really be honest with myself.
Chris
Wow, very thoughtful post Sean. A lot to chew on here. Before EA I was stuck on #3, “I don’t believe in my value”. Confidence in who I am and not needing to be validated by my clients is an issue I am successfully working through right now with several of my older clients. John Maxwell says “you can’t lead people if you need people”, this is so true. Our clients need us to lead them and not be fearful of losing them if we raise prices or hold them accountable to their fitness plan. I’m walking this out so thanks for the timely post!
Sean you mentioned the quote that came form an ancient philosopher Socrates i believe that knowing and not doing are 2 different things….as he said “Knowing without doing is like not knowing at all”…..
This quote has helped me a lot and I apply it to my clients and everybody that I communicate with whenever I can appropriately…
As you said some will argue that they know thigns but it is a fact that if they dont really apply there is no way for them to TRULY know/understand/aware of it….so DOING will make you, teach you to truly KNOW……and not when you say you know if you have not done it consistently
Great job on spending the time to write this post
Also as far as what you pointed out about living in congruent with your values and not taking care of yourself….but at the same time fitness pros teach people how to live a healthy lives.
So what does it mean to you taking care of yourself? When you are still on the runway and trying to have the plane take off in the air, you press the pedal to the metal and give it a full force and put yourself on the back burner without working out as often, without eating regularly, without sleeping enough……..is that acceptable according to you or that should not occur and we still need to stay true to our health with integrity?
Doesn’t matter what I think.
Only you can answer this question for yourself.
And really that’s the ONLY answer that matters. The one you come up with after some self-reflection time.
This is profound stuff, and as Michael noted above, absolutely authentic. Anyone who really knows Sean, knows he walks the line.
The key to the kingdom is in each of our hands. We have the key to unlimited growth and unlimited success. The only question is…will we realize we already have it, and will we have the guts to use it to unlock our full potential?
The “secret” has never been, and never will be about marketing strategy and tactics. It is, and always will be about how we “own” our responsibility to develop and grow ourselves.
Awesome post Sean!
This was exactly what I needed to hear. It is very much what I see myself doing alot. I copied and plan on reading it till it sinks in. I have clients who are some of the first ones to train with me when I was just starting out and they have become my friends. So charging them what I charge newer clients is something I need to work on. Thanks Sean for your wisdom and inspiration.
Powerful words. Speaking the truth. And this is as real as it gets.
The Hierarchy Pyramid is my new wallpaper.
This post is going in the ‘NPE words of wisdom’ black book. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
Hey Sean…thanks for the post. I completely needed this today. After reading it, I actually increased my rates on one of my longest pt clients, which I have wanted to do for months now (I actually increased it by 25%.) His package was up this morning so it was perfect timing. He resigned at the new rate, and I feel so relieved! Thanks so much for the motivation!
Awesome!
Great stuff Alicia.
Now that feels a whole lot better, doesn’t it?
It is what I needed to read for darn sure. I know that I have to do all of those things, now I am prodded by reasoning.
Might make Camelia’s call today easier her!
I even forwarded this to my wife for her business.
Sean,
It’s been humbling, frustrating, and amazing to watch you grow over the last several years, professionally AND personally (as evidenced by this new post!)
As a fellow fitness professional, husband, and father – the message definitely resonated (and “irritated”) and I’ve already copy/pasted/printed it for ongoing review, reflection, and reACTion!
Now, I’m off to further stack my PUC teams/event – scheduled to rock Atlanta on Memorial Day! (Law Enforcement vs. Fire Dept vs. Military vs. Avg Joes/Janes vs. AmpuCamp.org (our amputee non-profit!). I’ll keep you posted!
Thanks for providing fresh/real perspective, living the words. and setting an example worth emulating!
Luv ya Brutha!
Sean,
I am that owner. I am stressed. Tired. Rundown. Worn out. My pyramid is upside down – the exact opposite of yours and I feel like I’m hustling for every dollar. I’ve lost all motivation to workout and eat clean…my business is doing “ok” but I can’t put in any more hours!
I need help NOW.
Lori
Good stuff…thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Definitely something I always preach to my clients…take care of yourself and put yourself first…as selfish as it may seem it’s really not. If you are not healthy and at the top of your game your relationships with friends, family, coworkers, team members, etc are all negatively affected. I wrote an article on this a year or so ago..it’s available for download on our website. Good to hear you share this info Sean!
Great post Sean. Any time I find myself struggling with something, if I take time to think about it, it comes back to something I need to improve in myself. Problems with staff following directions? I need to spend more time training them and giving them WRITTEN instructions on exactly what I want to have happen. Problems with margins? I need to spend more time on reports and numbers. Problems with stress, etc? I need to make sure I am sleeping enough and getting my workouts in.
No matter how hard I try to find someone to blame, usually it comes back to me and something I need to do/be better.
As always, thanks for the kick in the right direction Sean!
Hi Sean,
A late reply to this post but I am currently in Indonesia traveling for 1 month. Could not help but check into the NPE blog/ fourm.
This is a great post and once I am back to work I will be re-reading this blog post!
With regards to “Hierarchy of Responsibility” I am looking after myslef. Stepping away from my fitness business for 1 month and letting the team run the business for me IS/WAS a MASSIVE decision. But….thanks to NPE and coaching calls with Camelia Ive been able to do that.
I’m FULLY recharged and raring to go on my return.
See you and the team at the VIP Training in June.
Ben